(drug-fuled blather)

Slept through a kickass storm last night, apparently. Kinda bummed about it, but I'm pretty sure that I would be dead today had i not slept. Like... Sleep last night was good, because the thermometer topped out at 103. I'm back down to 98.9, which is bueno. Hooray for normality. (And no. that wasn't a typo. 98.9 is pretty norms for me.)

...I had a shit ton of stuff I wanted to write tonight. But now that I'm actually sitting down and thinking about it, I can't remember anything. Typical.

Mm... I'd like a functioning computer cord. Plz and thankyoo.

People are... confusing. Very. Iiiiii wish I understood them better. Thought processes and whatnot.

"I am the modern man/who hides behind a mask/so no one else can see/my true identity."
I enjoy this song as of now. Or at least, I enjoy these few lines.

Uhm.... what else?

Oh. Last night's misery slump. Wasn't fun. Felt really fuckin' undesirable, and didn't know how to fix it. i was in that "What is wrong with me? am I just not pretty enough? Funny enough? Smart enough?" mindset. No bueno.

DOMO ARIGATO, MISTER ROBOTO!!

Shrimp is delicious. haven't had shrimp in a loooong time. Shrimp makes the kitty in me hapy. Very, very happy.

And, I'm thinking that it's time to go away. I need to lock the meds up so I don't take any more before bed. Because I have to wake upppp tomorrow. And go to CTC. Whee.

I hate being sick. And I hate medicine. i never take medicine when I'm sick. Except when roomie makes me go to the Student Death Center and they force meds upon me. let me get better on my owwwwwn! Do you see what your poison does to me!?

...Yeah. I'm done for now. If I had a computer cord, this wouldn't be happening, because I'd have my notation software and my emulator AND Lady Death's story all at my fingertips. buttt, no. Not for a while. Or at least until Saturday. Yayyyyy, payday!

((Also: Dear irrational crush; please leave me alone. I know nothing will happen between me and the person that I'm crushing on irrationally, so leave her and i alone, and let me be able to interact with her in a normal way. Thanks. ~Tath))

Speaking of Tath, she hasn't come out in a loooong time. Damn college. I might go for a walk one of these weekends. Maybe go to the park with a notebook or somethin' and let the Tathness shine for a while. Yeah.

I also can't help but notice that even though I said I was leaving a while ago, I'm still typing away! FREAKING MEDS. This is why I don't put anything into my body, children. Music and Cranberry-Pomegranate juice is as far as it goes! No drugs! No alcohol!

...I wonder what kind of drunk I would be if I drank. Hm.

NO. No more tangents. Sleepytime for psychotic Katelynn-thing. Yes. Sleep is good. Goin' to sleep now. Mhm. Here I go. Grarghlgshnarghle.

No One Ever Reads These Things, Anyway.

1) I love you more than most would think necessary. Oh, well. Suppose it's not really their problem, now is it? But, yeah. I worry about how much you mean to me, and I think far too much about it. I need to quit it, but I honestly don't think my mind can really give it up. Dang.

2) Had a dream the other night. Didn't like it. Everyone was going to this big party, and they were gettin' all fancied up and stuff, and they all had dates. Everyone. Except me, naturally. So I sat, alone, for about an hour in this dream. Just me. No music, even!! And I disliked it. I've never been so close to tears because of a friggin' DREAM before. Meh.

3) I'm listening to the four teaser tracks that Intervision has had on their site for about four months now. And my brain is like EXPLOSION!! YOU MUST GET THIS ALBUM, KATELYNNNNNN!! DO IT NOW! Like HOLEY PHUCK, that man is a musical genius. Not sure how he does it, but all his songs make my brain go through soundgasms. And I really need to get my hands on the CD. Click -->THIS<--and you will see what I mean. The man's voice is AMAZING, and I NEEEEEEED more of his orgasmic vocal drugs.

4) Thoughts of you, mixed with the amazing colors and songs of Intervision, creates a very enjoyable cocoon of content that I can sink into. It's like a being underwater sort of feeling - having the pressure of the water all around you - but you can actually breathe. It makes my heart smile.

5) I miss my cat.

6) 'm not entirely sure why I'm writing all this on the here and now, but whatever. Intervision is amazing. Have I ever told y'all this slight fact? Like, really. I DARE YOU to listen to their three albums and NOT find a song that you identify with. Lalala, so very random right now.

7) I've reached a point where I can safely say that prolonged exposure to certain types of music has an effect comparable to people on a range of different substances. Take now, for instance. INTERVISION has effectively plunged me into a mildly self-pitying, interpretive, introspective thoughtbox that is useless to anyone for the next hour or so. Yey, drugs that I can't get in trouble for abusing.

8) "Sailors be warned, it's a red sky mornin'; the makin's of a perilous day..."

9) I don't want to be alone for the rest of mine life, noes. I also don't want to attempt another relationship and have it not work out. First time sucked enough as it is. Don't want to go through it again. No, no. I'll pass on that lovely little experience. However, I also know that if I'm too scared to try again, there's an even smaller chance that I'll end up with someone. What a vicious, furious cycle.

10) It's really weird. But. Out of the people I've genuinely liked (I can count them on one hand), The only ones. Who have actually liked me back. Are untouchable. I don't know if anyone else realizes how much that messes with one's mind. It's like, "Oh, you like me? I like you, too! Unfortunately, I don't like your genitals, so we can't be together." The irony in this next statement made me laugh, but I must write it to maybe sufficiently pass across my mindset at the moment, and maybe for longer than just this moment. Fuck. Genitals. (Immature mind goes 'Hee~') Like, seriously. Am I the only one who doesn't care what kind of underwear they wear? It's a personality thing, that I'm attracted to. And I'm RIDICULOUSLY in love with your personality, darling. However, you had to bring to light the fact that you dun like my underwears.

...Shit. I've just now realized (after the music has stopped and my mind is somewhat cooling) that I'm ranting about gay men and underwear. Dayum, Katelynn. This is almost a new low for you. V_V

 Last bit of music-induced bullshit before I leave you alone: I don't build walls to keep people out. I build them because I'm terrified that no one will love me enough to climb over them. And I realize how much sense that didn't make. Fuck.

...I need more Intervision.

-flail-

Why are the best ones taken? Or untouchable? HMMMM?

All I'm asking for is a nice person who I'm nearly effortlessly compatible with. It would also help if he or she liked the female gender. And I'm pretty sure this is just an immature moment I'm having, but why should I care? Because right now I'm feeling immature and clingy and mildly moody and I'd really need some music and my grammar is going to hell and LOOK CODY I'M FILTERING, FWEEEEEEE~~~!!

...Aaaalright. Now that THAT's out of my system.

All but one of the guys I've really liked through the years (which means... four? Maybe?) have turned out gay. And I don't know how the hell I can be stuck with such lousy statistics. Does this mean I'm doooooooomed to be single for all eternity because the only people I've really truly honestly loved like crazy can't fully return the affection that I can't give them?

-flail- Ehhh!

Also. I plan to know you for more than eight years. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. :(

I don't get it...

What's the attraction? Could someone explain this to me, please? Everywhere I go, girls are swooning over total a**holes. Why is the 'bad boy' personality so appealing? Ladies, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who's going to get himself landed in jail on multiple accounts? And don't get me wrong, I'm not putting all bad boys into that s-type. But, still. What's so great about it?

And why are guys always so... Idunno... Stupid? And not in the sense of intelligence, but from what I've seen, a lot of guys seem to think that they have to be 'THE man'. Which seems dumb to me. All macho and muscly and super-strong and super awesome with a super big EGO just isn't okay. Idunno. This is just me talking. Some girls go for that, I guess.

And why is there a set image for 'THE man'? Has anyone else noticed this? That to be the super-manly-man, you have to be as tough as nails, not show any emotion that could get you labeled as 'weak' or 'sissy'. Oh. Wait. If you're pissed at the world, then you can show it. Then you can rip your neighbor a new feces evacuation tunnel, and people will accept that. Because you're being a manly man. Ooh.

Well, f**k that. I'm not into it.

Maybe it's just me, but if a guy isn't going to show emotion, then I might as well be hugging a tree. I'll date my cat. At least he shows emotion when he's happy to see me.

Maybe I'm too picky...? Is that why I'm still single? My horizons aren't broad enough? I'm not looking at the 'big picture'?

MAYBE I AM.

If I'm going to get in a relationship, I'm not the one to touch and go. Again, maybe I'm just weird like that. Too emotionally attached to people, perhaps? Meh, whatever my problem is, I seem to be alone in my views. :P

Back to the whole 'no emotion' thing: What's wrong with showing emotion, guys? Someone really needs to explain this to me. >_< Personally, I'd love a guy who'd show emotion. Not all over the place, but if we go to a movie of something, we'd both laugh at the funny parts and maybe both cry at the sad parts--YES, I CRY AT SAD PARTS, DAMMIT!

...What's wrong with wanting that? Manly men are too busy lifting weights or doing other crap to enhance their manliness... But what's wrong with the guy who just wants to sit and talk and hold you while you hold him? Is there anything wrong with that!?!

-mopes in lonely single's corner-