Oh, life~

It is good, if just for the moment. Tonight was the first time in a looooong time that I've been able to laugh like that. I'm really, really glad I know those guys, and that they're part of my life. Ι don't know what I'd do without them.

So, yeah. This isn't really an update, just me being happy and sentimental about having friends who I can laugh with. <3 <3 You guys rock. Love you guys so much.

((And I know my grammar is wrong in that sentence. It's two in the fucking morning, and I don't care. Going with the song of the night, I should tell you to eat shit and die. But I won't. Because I'm not a mean person like that.))

Also: Σπεακινγ ιν Γρεεκ, βιτψηεσ!

But typing with Greek letters is different than actually typing in Greek. :)

G'night, all.

I'm Such a Cheerful Little Shit

It is raaiiiiiiiiining. I'm exciiiiiiited.

Walked halfway home with teh Levi, then danced across the crosswalk. And danced home.

In the RAIN.

I love rain so much. :D

I'm the opposite of everyone else, I've decided. Like, when it's all sunny and shiny and whee, most people are happy and sunny and smiley and whee. I'm kinda moody. Glum. Brooding. (Though that's normally not caused by the weather ;P) But when it rains, I get all happy and hyper and WHEEEEE~~~!! And not glum and gloomy like everyone else.

Hee~!

ALSO:

I love my cheerful sarcasm and straightfacedness. Because I use it on people and they CAN'T TELL AND IT MAKES ME GLEE.

I get wayyyy too excited about this. I really do. I'm such a little shit. But there are some hella annoying people in this world who just can't take a hint. So I subject them to my cheerful sarcasm. Because they haven't got a clue. HEEHEEHEEEEEE.

...So, yeah. Today has been decent. ^_^ People are awesome and they make me laugh. And I'm a good person who sits with awesome freshman during convocation. 

...Also: Too many adorable people. They should stop being so adorable and make it easier on me. 

Emotional Vomit, Yay!

I'm glad it's Friday. Kinda. Okay, not really. I'm not really feeling strongly for the end of the week, but I'm not jumping because it's over. I'm in an apathetic, lost, searching, not-quite-but-almost self pitying sort of mood.

...Yeah. I'm in a mood again.

And I've actually reached a point where I can't find it in myself to talk to anyone about this. If I try, I feel like people think I'm a) a broken record, b) a whining selfish bitch, and c) looking for attention. But I'm not... I think. I mean, I feel like I'm all of the above, but I assure you that anyone I ask will say the opposite.

Eff. One moment. I need music.

Alrighty. Let's see what I can emotionally vomit onto this blog before I'm too musically saturated to think clearly.
Mmmm, Intervision. So soothing and sweet. Salve.

Prepare for unorganized thought barf.

I can't take people's compliments to heart. Like... They say they love me, and I want to believe them. They compliment me on random things, and I just can't feel like I deserve their praise. In a group of friends, where we're all laughing and having a grand old time, I can't help but feel separated from them. Lonely. Detached.

What's wrong with me?

I don't think anyone realizes how much I love people. I don't mean that to sound condescending or upstuck, I just feel that people don't feel as deeply about others as I do. I make friendships, and I trust people, and that feeling goes deeper than anyone realizes. I hold my friends closer to me than anything, save for family. Every hug I give isn't given lightly. None of my affection is given lightly, actually. I just... GAH.

People. I love them. I'm annoyed by them. I don't understand them.

I see relationships come and go. Quickly. Swiftly. The not-so-quick ones come, and they bloom beautifully, then they die. A flourishing blossom can look so gorgeous and promising one moment, and be charred and dead during the next. I don't know how people can claim to love others one day, then leave with the door swinging behind them the day after. I just. Don't. Understand.

I think that's my problem. I don't get it. And I'm unsure how to deal with it myself.

Subject change to pointless crap WHOOOOSH.

I love hugs. Hugs are fucking amazing. Cuddling is just as nice, but better. Cuddling is like one huge extended hug. I enjoy hugging people. Like, the people I hug are some of the greatest people in the world. I love cuddling as well. Back when I had someone to cuddle. (insert self-pitying shit) Still love it, though. I'd love to have someone to cuddle with. I'm a hella affectionate person. Really. I'm just afraid that a) I'll end up seeming too clingy b) I'll seem needy and c) people will get annoyed. Either that, or I'll get attached to someone and then things will go poof. Learning experiences, children. They're magical.

I think I'm too humble for my own good. I won't lie; my self esteem is shit at the best of times. I'm unsure as to why. It has no reason to be that way. I don't know. D:

GAH.

Also: this is one of the few nights where I really wish I could cry. I can feel the excess emotion wanting to burst out, and I'm sure I'd feel better after it, but I can't. Fuck it. One tear, maybe two. Then my mind tries to take over with shit like "Quit crying. You're being silly and stupid and juvenile.".

That is all. I'm done for tonight. Time to shower, eat, and go to the Jazz concert. Let the music distract me for another night.

Love you guys. More than you'll ever realize. G'night.

EDIT: Back from the concert, can't sleep. Put up another vague status on Facebook, received the expected result.

What the hell is wrong with me? I'm casting out cries for help, but when people come running, I'm too afraid to open up.

I'm like some perverse child who cries 'Wolf!'.

...I need to sleep, before I say/do/post something that I regret. Come back here, Intervision.

This is What Happens--

--when it's four thirty in the morning and I'm pondering over things I shouldn't be pondering over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Lover mine,
Write another chapter of my life.
We'll set it on the shelf and walk away...
-What we were
Will never be forgotten, you've
Put it in the past, and found a better song to sing
At least for now...

-Friend of mine,
It all but kills me just to
See your eyes and smile turn to grey.

-Stay here, at least for tonight,
Let me write a lullaby and
Let the colors dry your tears away...
My arms will hold you close tonight,
I'll sing to you; Things will be alright, my love, and
You can stay here, with me...
At least for tonight...

You will watch it. And you will be amazed.

So, my darling Ashley visited this weekend. I was excited. I miss her verymuchindeed.

Indeed.

Also: I'm hyper and don't have the attention span to write a decent update right now. I'll get back to you on that.

Also: He's such a cutie.

Blah.

Wrote something a few days ago. I really like it. I don't like the music that goes with it anymore, though. Needs to be different. Fixin' it up soon.

Anehwho:

I'm kinda annoyed at people lately. Not many people, but I'm actually seeing their true colors, and it bugs the shit outta me. They're still awesome friends, but they just... annoy me. And I'm not one who usually gets annoyed.

Ah, well. I need to do dishes. Yeah, let;s do dishes. Then maybe play some Fiesta. Then maybe kick it on the flute some. Yeah

Also: I'm coming down with a cold. -sniffle-